Home

I moved home today. Kind of weird. Kind of obnoxious that it was a 4 hour drive that should have be 2 hours, but that's what I get for leaving at 4pm on a Friday and driving through the capitol...

I'm trying out this blog thing. I'm a bit wary... the last thing I need is to revisit LiveJournal, but somehow I feel like somebody out there will appreciate my feelings about spending the next 4 months in Africa. I'll try and not sound to emo and angsty for the over 20 crowd.

That said, it's been a surreal 2 days. Taking Austin to the airport sent me into a full fledged panic by the end of the day. Not about leaving for Ghana. I couldn't be less stressed about the prospect of packing up my life and going. Suddenly I couldn't stomach moving home from school. How the hell was I going to see everyone in a day? And pack? The experiance of numerous "lasts" as I finally gave up RAdom and got ready to go pushed me almost to tears by the end of the day. I had the sudden urge to journal a novel but had no time to do so.

Ahh, but now I am home for 8 days. I hope they go by quickly- I can't wait to leave and be somewhere new (and out of the shitty weather that we've had all month). Part of me is shocked that I chose to do this. To be so unplanned, to fly 24hours to where I have no idea where I'm living or what I'm doing- to do so seems completely out of the ordinary for me, the obsessive compulsive planner and control freak. Yet I feel completely comfortable with the prospect of showing up and knowing someone else will take care of the details. The rest of me knew I would always do this- go somewhere selected somewhat at random in hopes that "life experiance" will teach me something new about myself. I feel like I've hit a wall where my normal surroundings have become so comfortable that I don't need to do anything differently anymore. Good lord, I'm boring! I hope that I will learn new ways to cope, and develop just a little bit of back bone and confidence in my opinions. In short, I'm looking for a little definition of myself through this experiance.

Thanks for bearing with me.